


Listening In

by CarryMyThoughts



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: F/M, Literature, Romance, fan fiction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2017-09-27
Packaged: 2018-09-02 17:55:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 21,259
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8677264
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CarryMyThoughts/pseuds/CarryMyThoughts
Summary: It's been years since Tsukishima has seen you, and suddenly you're neighbors? Their interactions through songs cause he's a music person





	1. Intro

 

Tsukishima Kei x Reader 

~~~~~~~~

    The first thing he hears as he's moving into his apartment is his next door neighbors television and a voice, he thinks, that is yelling along to the intro.

    "Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba, da da, da da da ba da da da da ba!"

    Slightly annoyed, he clicks his tongue then turns up the music in his headphones to drown out the sound. Lucky for him, the horrible singing, if you would call it that, had ceased. For now. 

    He steps to the window of his new apartment and takes a glance at the world around him. He takes a deep breath as he drinks in the reality of his surroundings. A fresh college graduate, going for his Masters at a prestigious university far away from Karasuno as possible. It's not that he didn't love his hometown, he needed to get out of there. He needed to get out of Japan. 

    He needed to go some place that he was sure _she_ wouldn't be. 

    So here he is, in the U.S.A. preparing to get his masters in Archeology. Hopefully, he'll be able to  uncover more secrets and truths about his lovely dino's than he could before. Being here, he has so much opportunity for things, for a new life and hopefully a new-

    "Ba ba ba ba, ba ba ba ba, da da, da da da ba da da da da ba!"

    Getting frustrated, the young man drops what he is doing to walk over to the apartment next door to give them a piece of his mind. If this is how things are going to be for the next two years, then he is not looking forward to dealing with troublesome neighbors. He rasps on the door forcefully, making his anger obvious through his knocks.

    "Be right there!"

    The television in the closed apartment door goes quiet as a feminine voice is heard, acknowledging his presence. An eyebrow quirks up at the sound of the voice, struggling to recognize it. He feels like he knows who this is but can't quite put his finger on it. Well, as soon as this person opens the door he'll know and be on his merry way.

    "Oi, I don't have all day," he comments to his neighbor.

    He hears steps nearing the door along with a muffled huff, "Well geez, it's not my fault these walls are paper thin! And besides, who do you think you are talking to me like that..."

    Before him stands a (s/c) skinned (e/c) eyed girl, scratch that, young woman. Her voice trailed off as she opened the door and saw before her a tall, taller, blond with golden brown eyes that could melt anyone's heart. The two new neighbors stare at each other in disbelief. 

    "...Kei?"

    "Tch, you've gotta be kidding me. (F/n), you're my neighbor?"

    "Well," she says, her voice losing its cheeriness, "seems like you haven't changed at all. What a shocker."

    'Still able to match me in sarcasm,' he thinks before he speaks. "I was here to say that your t.v.-"

    "I knew it was too loud! Sorry, Jesse and I sometimes binge watch How I Met Your Mother and forget that we aren't the only ones who live here. Sorry about that!"

    There's a tense and awkward silence between the two reunited friends as the both of them assess the other. 'Oh my stars he's gotten even more handsome than I remember! What the hell? How is this possible and just what is he doing all the way out here-'

    A bump to the woman's shoulder breaks her out of her thoughts, "You were overthinking something again."

    A slight blush adorns her facial features, I-I'm surprised you caught that. I mean, what are the odds? That the both of us are here! In the same place and complex for that matter!"

    Their conversation is interrupted when a baritone voices breaks in, "Babe, who's at the door? What do they want?"

    Coming up to be by the girls side is a tall, well built young adult man who is still shorter than Tsukishima. He gives the blond a heartthrob smile and wraps a protective arm around (f/n)'s waist.

    "Jesse! This is, uh, our new next door neighbor Ke- I mean Tsukishima." 'Oh gosh, was it obvious that I was flustered about that?'

    A hearty clap sound is heard as the two young men give each other a welcoming handshake and exchange names.

    Jesse clears his throat, "Well I'm gonna pop some more popcorn," he quickly states and gives (f/n) a peck on the cheek. "It was nice meeting you."

    The young man retreats inside the apartment, leaving the pair alone again. To clear the air, Tsukishima starts, "So Jesse is your...?"

    "Oh," the she squeaks out, "he's my boyf- well actually fiance. It's kind of a new thing..."

    "Oh."

    "Yeah..."

    Another deafeing silence engulfs them. The only thing that could be heard in the hall way was the popping of the popcorn and the breeze of the air conditioning. 

    "You never came back to visit like you said you would."

    "I'm sorry I never kept in contact."

    The both of them spoke at the same time, something that used to always happen to them when they were alone. 

    "Idiot," he puffs out, "you speak first."

    She giggles nervously and restates, "I'm sorry I never kept in contact. I had a change of heart."

    "Yeah, by lying about which college you were going to."

    "Tsukki..."

    "No one knew where you were going. Just that you weren't going to Tokyo U. I did my undergrad there."

    "Can we talk about this later? Like, over dinner? I'll cook! I've become a hell of a cook since I left."

    The blond releases a breath he didn't realize he had been holding. "Fine, tomorrow at your place. 7 o'clock."

    With that, the young man walks away and into his apartment. He has a point. She waits until she's ready to go back inside to Jesse, she can't see him right now. But one thing for sure, is that when they have dinner tomorrow, (f/n) will be making strawberry shortcake.

    

     

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used is "Hey Beautiful" by The Solids


	2. The One That Got Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second installment of Listening In!  
> I'm for real experimenting a lot with this fic, so here it is.

      
Tsukishima Kei x Reader

 

~~~~~~~~

    4:00 p.m.

    (F/n) checks the clock on her phone and quickly gets up from her desk. She promptly checks her grocery shopping list to make sure she knows exactly what to get to make her dinner tonight. Realizing she didn't want to be too caught up in her thoughts while she shopped, she decided to call her best friend.

    "Hello?"

    "Hey! Listen, I'm about to go grocery shopping and-"

    "And you have a lot on your mind and want to talk about it?"

    Smiling into the phone, (f/n) responds, "Babe, you know me so well. Meet me at the supermarket in 10?"

    "Heh, you know I got you."

    Once she hung up the phone, the (e/c) eyed girl went to her car to drive to the store. When she turned on the engine, the radio station she had preset it to was in the middle of a song. Upon hearing the chords and lyrics, a frown featured itself onto her face as she recognized the tune. But who the heck would request this song? I mean, it wasn't the most popular song in the world. But even worse, is the timing of it.

  
_In another life, I would be you girl_  
We'd keep all our promises, be us against the world  
In another life, I would make you stay  
So I don't have to say you were the one that got away  
The one that got away

 __

Refusing to hear more, she angrily switched the station to the classical music. Nothing like some quality Dvorak to ease the heart and calm the soul. Letting the lead violinist take her mind off of the pop song she just listened to, (f/n) arrived at the supermarket in no time at all. Shutting off the car, she swiftly stepped out the vehicle and went to the front of the store to wait for her friend.

    As soon as her friend arrived, the (h/c) woman was elated. The two best friends hugged each other tightly, swinging their bodies from side to side like a metronome. 

    "So," (bf/n) began, "why do you need me here again? Did you and Jesse get into another fight?"

    Sighing as she grabbed a cart, (f/n) replies, "I wish it was that, but no, it's way worse."

    Her friend lifted an eyebrow quizzically. "It's about someone from high school. Oh, we should check out the soup aisle first."

    Making their way to that aisle, (bf/n) walks beside her and remembers, "No way. Him? You mean 'The One'?"

    "'The One' what," (f/n) questions while examining certain soups, "I already have 'the one'."

    "Not that one, 'The One'. You know, the one that got away? Everyone has one. Ah, you should make some miso soup! That's always delicious."

    Mentally slapping herself, the soup cans almost fall from her hands at the sound of those words. "Ugh, that song will not leave me alone!"

    "What? You know I'm right. What's your main course by the way? Anyways, you've always somehow managed to bring up this dude in almost every conversation, and you haven't seen him in like, what, 4 years? Why the hell is he here anyway?"

    "I'm gonna make some chicken and beef with veggies. He lives next door to me."

    Stopping in her tracks, (bf/n) turns around to face her. "Are you fucking kidding me? What are the odds of that happening?"

    Pushing the cart along to the next aisle, (f/n) sighs heavily, "I have no idea. I mean, it could have been a friend, anyone really. But it's him. It's always him."

    Suddenly the cart stops as it runs into her friend. "What are you doing? Why did you stop?"

    (Bf/n) looks to her then looks away to study something in the distance. A strange look adorns her face as she keeps switching from the thing to (f/n), a slow, devilish grin growing on her face. 

    "So you said he's tall right?"

    She nods.

    "And he wears glasses?"

    She nods again.

    "And he has blond hair?"

    She nods again in confusion, "I don't get it what's the point of you asking me this?"

    "Because," and she takes (f/n) head in her hands and faces it to the direction of said male. The (h/c) haired young woman frees herself from the hands of her friend and raced away to the fruit section. 

    "We really have to get going on this shopping list," she says in a hurry while she scurries away, " I mean, making my dinner will take a long time. And I need to make strawberry shortcake."

    "I thought you hated strawberries...?"

    Gulping, she picks up some fresh ones and puts them in a bag. "But he doesn't."

~~~~~~~~

     At 6:45 P.M., (f/n)'s apartment smelled of delicious food, ready to be eaten in a frenzy. The young woman had spent hours preparing dinner for the three of them. Today was rare for her. Usually, she has piles upon piles of of work to do but for some reason, her work load was lighter. Smiling at herself, she breaks into a small happy dance when she sees everything is all set up and ready to go. Before she takes off her kitchen apparel, she needs to add some finishing touches to the strawberry shortcake. Years ago, after Tsukishima had won a volleyball match, (f/n) had asked his mother if she could make him a special cake. His mother eagerly agreed and gave the young teenage girl her recipe for strawberry shortcake. With fingers crossed, she hopes it turns out as well as his mother makes it.

    With her body turned toward the stove, (f/n) neglected to hear the front door open when she feels a pair arms snake around her body. Her nose took a quick whiff of his cologne and she sunk her body into his.

    "Jesse," she sighs, "you're home just in time! How was work? Dinner is just about ready!"

    Giving her a peck on the cheek, he releases his fiance's body and loosens the tie from his button up shirt. "Work was killer today. I may have to stay late tomorrow, my work group wasn't able to provide enough ideas to the editors table." Sniffing the air, he sits down and relaxes in a chair by the dining room table, "Hun, everything smells great. Maybe you should cook more often, it's kinda hot."

    "Oh really," she questions in a seductive tone, "then maybe I'll have to give you your dessert sooner rather than later." (F/n) slowly strides over to Jesse and straddles herself on his lap, taking his loose tie in one hand and pulling him in for a kiss. The kiss doesn't last very long, leaving Jesse begging for more by giving her a pout. 

    A giggle escapes (f/n)'s lips, "Don't worry there will be more where that came from. And besides, we have a guest coming soon!"

    As soon as those words left her tongue, three knocks were heard at the door. (F/n) hastily removes herself from her lovers lap and rushes to the door. Before opening it, she straightens out her clothes and makes sure her hair is in check. 

    _Wait a minute, this is just Tsukki, why am I freaking out over how I look?_

Brushing the thought out of her mind, she opens the door to greet him. Standing before her is sarcastic blond boy, no man, himself. Same scowl on his face to hide what he's actually thinking and feeling. In his hands, she see a bouquet of (f/flower) in his hands. Her (e/c) irises shine with glee.

    "You remembered?"

    "Tch, it's kind of hard to forget. You annoyed the living shit out of me when it was your 18th birthday."

    Laughing at the memory, she says, "Oh yeah! I wouldn't shut up about the type of flowers I needed at my party. I'm really glad you remembered. I, uh, made you some strawberry shortcake."

    Tsukishima places his free hand on his face to fix his glasses, but he was really trying to cover up the red tint of his cheeks.

    "Whatever, I'm coming in now." 

    As he brushes past his long lost friend, she is left thinking about what (bf/n) had said to her earlier. She clutches her chest as she feels her heartbeat quicken at the feather like touch of his arm on her shoulder.

    If she had not been so wrapped up in her thoughts, (f/n) would have noticed a male contemplating why she would make a strawberry related cake when he knows that she hates the fruit.

~~~~~~~~

    Bidding them goodnight, Tsukishima returns to his lone apartment with some leftover strawberry shortcake that (f/n) had prepared. The tall male walks to his fridge, tired and full of food, and places the dish inside. He has a strange emotion bubbling from deep inside, and it is annoying him to no end. 

    It all started when he heard that stupid song on the radio before he went to buy her flowers.

  
_All this money can't buy me a time machine  
I can't replace you with a million rings, no  
I should have told you what you meant to me  
And now I pay the price_

 __

Troublesome lyrics if you ask him, but he couldn't turn the station. Something had engrossed him into the song, the deeper meaning behind it all. He clicks his tongue at the thought and prepares himself for bed, knowing he has to be up early for an "In The Field" trip with his archeology professor. However, as his head rests upon his cool pillow, recurring thoughts he was sure he tucked away resurfaced.

    _If I had only spoken to her before she left. Would we still be this way? Tch, no. I had no chance with her then, I have no chance now. Problem solved._

With that being his final thoughts for the night, he uncomfortably closed his eyes in an attempt to sleep off his feelings or whatever he was dealing with that made his mind go crazy and heart sound like a drum. 

    What if he was the one that got away?  
     
    What if she was the one that got away?

    Tsukishima resolved that he didn't want to know or did he make plans on finding out.

 

    His dreams that night were filled with her and that song on replay.

 __

 __  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The One That Got Away" is by Katy Perry


	3. Jesse's Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA I somehow did this.

Tsukishima Kei x Reader

 

~~~~~~~~

    An interesting few weeks have passed since the dinner at (f/n)'s apartment. It was a wonderful thing actually, because he was able to find out so much about her that made his heart long to hear her velvet like voice speak with such passion. 

    She's working on her Masters in psychology and her PhD in music therapy.

    She teaches classes and gives out music lessons. 

    Somehow she made time to be a member of a glee club in which she is vice president. 

    And she still has time for her actual life.

    Tsukishima always knew that the (e/c) girl loved music and helping people, but he never thought she would be able to band together those two things and make a living out of it. From how she sounded, everything was wonderful. Jesse is wonderful, her apartment is wonderful, her life is wonderful.

    She's wonderful.

    His mind is whisked back to those days as he listens to the calming music in his headphones. (F/n) would always ask him if she could play her instrument for him to make him feel better. He never would take it. Why would he? She was a year his senior, it could have been the other way around. 

    But what instrument can he play? The jaw bone of a t-rex?

    He ponders these things as he sits alone on the couch of his apartment, digging into a store bought strawberry shortcake. It's a miracle he hasn't gained weight considering the amount of cake he eats. However, Tsukishima hears a loud thud on his wall, followed by another one a minute later. He frowns in disgust when he realizes what could be happening. 

    "Ugh, they must be having sex. At 10 at night? Guess I'll study somewhere else."

 ~~~~~~~~

    Fumbling for her keys inside of her purse, (f/n) sighs deeply in hopes of finding them soon. It had been an awfully long day and she is just now returning home, later than she would like. She hesitantly opens the door, hoping to avoid a creak if Jesse was asleep. Seeing the corridor is illuminated by the night sky, she sighs and tip toes her way into the kitchen. Being at school, which is also work, for more than 5 hours is exhausting and made the young woman quite hungry. A weary arm opened the refrigerator to grab a yogurt to help curb her hunger, when the light from the appliance brightens the dining table. (F/n) jumps in shock and gives a small yelp as Jesse is sitting there in a chair facing her. A quick sniff of the air gives (f/n) an inkling of what's to come. 

    A familiar smell fills her nostrils as Jesse continues to glare harshly at her. "It's almost ten at night, where the hell were you?"

    Eyebrows high on her forehead, her shoulders relax a bit, "I have work, you know that. Look, sweetie, I'm really tired and I don't want to have this talk right now."

    Yogurt in hand, (f/n) marches toward their shared bedroom when a sweaty palm wraps itself around her wrist tightly. "Yes," he slurs a bit, "we are going to talk about it. You're never here!"

    "You know I'm getting two degrees at the same time right? I'm not going to be so readily available. You know that," she says sardonically.  
     
    "I know what this is, you think you're better than me!"  
     
    Feigning defeat, the annoyed woman responds, "Yep, that's it I'm just so much better than you. That's why I'm never here. Congrats Jesse, you've figured it out! Now just drop it, we'll talk when you're sober. Goodnight."

   "I won't accept that. (F/n), are you cheating on me?"

    "What the hell makes you think that?"

    Raising his voice Jesse drunkenly yells out, "You didn't answer me right away. That means you are! It's that new neighbor isn't it?"

    "Leave Kei out of it! This doesn't concern him!"

    "I'm sure it doesn't," he pauses to gather his skewed thoughts, "actually, you're too goddamn busy to be having an affair. You're too in love with your work. When are we going to get married?"

    With clenched teeth, she curtly says, "I told you I would be busy! I suggested we get married before I started school back up!"

    The tension between the couple is sharp and heavy. Unaware of the time and their surroundings, their heated argument had increased in volume over the course of it. With her chest heaving, (f/n) attempts a peaceful response. "I don't know how long school is going to take. That's why I wanted to be married by now. No waiting for me to finish; we could be living the life we both want."

    For some reason, her words angered the young man. "I'm the stupid one still, huh?"

    "For fucks sake that's not what I'm saying!"

    "Isn't it though? You know what, I think you love school and work more than me! And that new kid, I know you've been meeting up with him!"

    Rolling her eyes, the frustrated (e/c) woman bites out, "It's been years since I've seen him, there's so much to catch up on."

    "Don't lie to me!" The small silence that followed his outburst was eerie, since he slapped the wall awfully loud. (F/n) can feel her tiredness and anger getting the best of her as hot tears touch her cheeks and stain the floor. "Jesse, please just listen to yourself for once! Do you hear what you're saying?"

    "Since you're so wrapped up in your extra degrees, why don't you consider saying 'I do' to your office!"

    That was the last straw. Her hands unclenched as she slammed her stuff onto the table. "You know what? Fine! Maybe I will marry my work! At least it doesn't propose to me and then get mad at their own stupid idea of waiting!"

    Forcefully gathering her bag, (f/n) stomps to the door she just entered and is already leaving. She clicks the door open to see the desolate lighting of the hallway. 

    "Where the hell are you going," Jesse yells at her. 

    Turning around, she responds in the same manner, "To my office! At least I'll be appreciated for returning 'home'!" 

    She slams the door, and puts a hand to her brow to calm her head and fight back tears. She takes a deep breath and flutters her eyes open

    Only to see Tsukishima staring at her, face bare of emotion.

~~~~~~~~

    "So what I heard wasn't you two having sex."

    "Kei, I don't have time for this," the irritated woman stated. (F/n) brushes past him in a distressed way. A soft and gentle hand halts her progress, bringing her back to be face to face with the blond man himself. He sees that her (e/c) irises have a tint of red to them and trails of tears on the sides of her face that shouldn't be there. The bags under her eyes stipulate the semester beginning to wear her down. 

    "I'm not letting you walk there by yourself, in the state that you're in."

    "Kei, I'm not fucking kidding when I said-"

    "You're distressed. You're a mess and pathetic when you're like this. Accept my help idiot."

    Her lips seal shut at Tsukishima's words. Slowly, (f/n)'s body begins to free itself of the withheld emotions. "I, I'm sorry. I, uh, Jesse and I had a fight and work was long and tiring and-"

    "Shut up, you don't have to apologize. Let's go."

  
_And I'm looking in the mirror all the time  
Wondering what she don't see in me  
I've been funny I've been cool with the lines  
Ain't that the way loves supposed to be?_

 __

As he leaves her office and heads back to his lonely apartment, he wonders about her and the life she's had without him. For some reason, he finds himself wanting to get lost in her world again, gaining back that feeling of euphoria he hasn't felt since she left. She was able to do so many things, she even found love. So why does his heart race uncontrollably? Why does he still feel so incomplete?

 

  
_I wish that I had Jesse's girl  
Why can't I find a woman like that?_

 __

Digging for her extra blanket, (f/n) reminisces on her past with the tall blond who strangely came back into her life. What had he been through? Did he forget about her? As she cuddles into the found blanket on her office couch, her mind is filled with their memories. As the good times they had make her heart flutter, one thought sends that feeling away.

    Had he fallen in love with someone else, just like she had?

   

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song is Jesse's Girl by Rick Springfield.


	4. Secret

Tsukishima Kei x Reader

~~~~~~~~

    He's been waiting outside her office door for more than five minutes. If she was going to be late, a nice text would have sufficed instead of hopelessly waiting as if he was one of her students trying to speak to her. To be blunt, Tsukishima hated waiting. (F/n) told him to be at her office door at 1:30 for lunch and it's already 1:35. His mind starts to race, though he shows no signs of inner turmoil. He's a 22 year old man waiting like some eager puppy for her to open the damn door. 

    "Excuse me," a feminine voice chimes,"are you waiting for Professor (l/n) too?"

    Tsukishima glances up and gulps silently at the intruder. He muses she must be a student of (f/n)'s and is waiting to talk to her as well. He hmphs to cover his slightly flustered tone, "I'm waiting for a (f/n) if that's what you're asking."

    The girl looks at him, bewildered at his statement. "Are you a friend? Oh! You must be her fiance! I've never met him but I hear he is tall and pretty attractive so, is it you?"

    "Tch, no. But I'm flattered you think I'm attractive."

    This causes the girls cheeks to flush in embarrassment. Tsukishima has to admit that this student in front of him is quite pretty.

  
_I know I don't know you  
But I want you, so bad_

 __

`    "Tsukishima."

    "Tori," she responds motioning to shake his hand. When she lets go of the young mans hand, a strange feeling enters her stomach. Who is this guy waiting for her teacher? Who is he to her? And he did say that he wasn't engaged to her so he must be available.

    Suddenly the door bursts open and there is a strung out (f/n), breathing heavily as if she just ran a marathon. Her (e/c) eyes are filled with stress with a tint of red. As soon as she sees Tsukishima staring into the eyes of one her best students, Tori, something inside her cracks. The young woman is about to apologize when she sees the glint in his eyes, a look that is oh too familiar to her.

    It's the way he used to stare at her. 

    "Kei, I'm so sorry! I had a phone call that went late and-"

    "Quit your rambling and let's go."

    (F/n) turns to lock her door when she remembers that Tori is there. "Did you have a question about something?"

    "Uh, no. I thought I did but I just figured it out. You could really use a drink Professor (l/n)"

    Chuckling slightly, the grad student rolls her eyes, "I told you to call me by my first name. And tell me about it. I'm so sorry you waited for nothing Tori. I hope he wasn't too much of a dick to you."

    "Actually," Tori comments with a tiny smile, "he was very sweet."

    The (h/c) woman stared at her student in disbelief as Tori waved off. Tsukishima and sweet do not belong in the same sentence. Or maybe now they do. She can't know for sure can she? She hasn't seen him in years. He's grown up in more ways than one and it's taking time for (f/n) to soak it all in. It's wonderful to see him doing what he loves; she remembers fondly of how often he would ramble about the reptilian like beasts. That, and volleyball. Oh how she loved to watch him play with such intensity and adoration for the sport he claimed was 'just a club' at one point. She knew he was lying. And she knew when he would be upset. To the (e/c) eyed young woman, she Tsukishima was just another piece of music she could easily read.

    But it's been years, what if he's become something she can no longer read? 

    The woman is wracked out of her thoughts when a warm rough hand takes her arm and starts to tug her toward the exit. She stumbles over her shoes a little bit before finally matching the giraffe of a mans walking pace. A tiny hint of a blush appears on your face that Tsukishima luckily does not see. 

    "You were just standing there like an idiot. I wasn't going to let you drool all over yourself."

    Understanding his words, she shakes her head to snap back into reality. With each step they take together to go to their destination, she is reminded of all the times they used to walk like this all those years ago. He would take her away when she would be sad, or if he was trying to take her away from volleyball practice. Either way, her secret remains the same. 

    (F/n) secretly loves the view of him in front of her. A sight she never thought she would see again.

  
_Everyone has a secret_  
But can they keep it?  
No they can't

 __

A few minutes of awkward silence followed the pair as they were seated in a booth looking at the menu but not really reading it. (F/n) uses the menu to hide her flushed and nervous expression. She bites her lip thinking of what to do or say to slow her beating heart and cool down her head.

    So she blurts the first thing that comes to mind, "I think you should ask her out."

    Looking up from his menu, golden brown hues quickly glance in her direction. Confused at her statement, he raises an eyebrow and closes his menu. "And who would I be asking out, exactly?"

    _Don't make me say it again you egotistical, cynical-_ "You know," she stammers out, inwardly cursing at her stuttering, "Tori. She's a really n-nice girl when you g-get t-to talk to her."

    Tsukishima chuckles slightly at the flustered woman's antics. "Do you have a policy against students dating your friends or something?"

    There goes her heart again, cracking even more so than earlier. The young woman is tempted to leave since she's suddenly lost her appetite. He's actually considering it, she had meant it to ease her mind and slightly jokingly, but was he for real?

    "I, uh, I don't. It's just, weird I guess."

    "If it's weird then why did you just suggest it to me?"

    The air around her constricts and warms up. A lump has doubled in size in her throat making it hard to swallow, like what Tsukishima had just said. She'd done so well so far, was she going to blow it?

    So she somewhat lied, "Well, um, because you might need a date or something to my future wedding..." She picks up the menu to feign reading.

    "Fine."

    Keeping her head down, she feels the booth shift indicating that the young tall blond had left. Silent tears fall down her cheeks as her ears perk up to the sound of the chime of the door.

  
_Gotta secret can you keep it?  
Swear this one will you'll save_

 __

  
Those words were inevitable. He would have to hear them eventually, but he didn't want that day to be today. Sure, he thought that girl was nice, pretty too, but she wasn't (f/n). Before she could even finish, he had stormed out of the little restaurant. Tsukishima couldn't sit there and listen to her talk about _him_ and be constantly reminded of what could have been. It's annoying, the feelings he has for her. It's stupid and a waste of his time. Could he date other women? Of course. But does he want to?

    No, and that's something he will never let the (e/c) eyed woman know.

    As he walks back to his apartment, a cold gush of wind blows through his hair, notifying him of the changing of the seasons, from fall to winter. He covers his ears with his headphones to block out the cold and clear his head. He's been living stateside for almost four months and what a roller coaster it's been. Sure, getting his master's degree is what's most important but he's been able to do things he's never done. Moving out of Japan had been emotional, more so for his family and friends rather than him. Tsukishima was too eager to leave his home country, wanting to erase everything that reminded him of her. He wanted to get rid of all those years he wasted pining after someone who didn't even bother to call, email, or send a letter notifying him of her existence. 

    What if (f/n) secretly hated him? That can't be, she's been more than kind and welcoming to the young man. So why does the mention of her upcoming marriage irk him as much as it does? 

    As he opens the door to the complex, Tsukishima clicks his tongue at his racing mind and heads for the elevator. He presses the button for his floor and leans against the wall. The elevator ascends causing his weight to shift slightly. Tsukishima raises his head ad looks to the side and stares at his reflection. For someone who seems to be dreadfully upset and somewhat heartbroken, he sure doesn't look like it. Maybe that's why (f/n) never thought of him that way or in anyway other than friend. Being a ghost of a person isn't what he intended on being but for the past few years it's gotten him by. No one to break through his exterior to reach inside, to destroy the fence he's built around himself.

 _Better lock it in your pocket  
Taking this one to the grave_

 __

He sighs heavily as a ding is heard through his headphones, and he drudges out of the elevator. As he searches for his keys, he hears a door open. Tsukishima tries to ignore the sound interrupting him but he can't tune it out. What he hears is enough for him to pause his music.

    A very feminine laugh comes from the apartment next door. 

    And he is very aware that there is no way the (h/c) young woman beat him here.

  
_If I show you then I know you  
Won't tell what I said_

 __

  
"Are you sure it's okay for us to meet here?"

    "Of course it is. She's a slave to her work, she never has time for me." Jesse's voice is clear as day as Tsukishima waits outside his own door, unsure of what to do. Using his peripheral vision, he sneaks a glance at the pair beside him. Beads of sweat are apparent on Jesse's brow as he kisses the maidens hand as she saunters off. As she is leaving, Jesse yells out after her, "See you at work tomorrow, Vanessa."

    Golden brown eyes widen at what he's just been a witness to. He never liked Jesse from the moment he met him, but this is low. (F/n) doesn't deserve this, no one does. Feeling sweat build up around him, his keys fall out of his hand alerting his neighbor of his presence. 

    "Hey you, neighbor."

    Tsukishima tries his hardest not to glare daggers at the adulterous man, so he pulls out his usual stoic face and clicks his tongue in annoyance. 

    "Let's be friends," Jesse continues, "I know it'll make (f/n) super happy if we are."

    Shrugging the arm that Jesse draped around him in an attempt to be closer, Tsukishima snarls out, "Oi, what the hell makes you think I want to be friends with a scumbag like you? Pathetic."

    Taken aback by the blond mans words, Jesse chuckles, "Because if you don't keep this little secret, I'll tell yours. So do we have a deal?"

    "I have no secrets so I have no idea what the fuck you want from me. It's not my business."

    Suddenly he's slammed against his own unopened door, "Listen here you little shit. (F/n) is my fiance and I am a man with needs. You let anyone else know about this, kiss your friendship with her and your life goodbye."

    "Tch, whatever. Do what you want."

  
_Cause two can keep a secret  
If one of them is dead _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Secret" is by Maroon 5 and I don't own it!  
> "Secret" is by The Pierces and I don't own it!


	5. The Hymn of Acxiom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I apologize for the fact that this is short.

Tsukishima Kei x Reader 

~~~~~~~~

[[link] ](http://www.deviantart.com/users/outgoing?https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8ttTf8N7Bwg)

     
    The pounding of the rain upon her apartment window indicates the storm is in full swing. Dimly lit candles set the mood in the desolate room, as (F/n) wraps a warm blanket around her body. Jesse had called her earlier saying he would be home later than usual, much to her dismay. The young grad student had been hoping for some alone time with her lover, since it's been some time since they've spent time in each others company. The couple has had layers upon layers of work build up that has been putting stress on their relationship. The (h/c) haired woman was hoping to have him to herself for the afternoon into the evening. 

    As she sinks into the cushions of the couch, she pulls out her laptop to listen to some music to fill the empty void. As she logs on, her background screen is one of her and Jesse on vacation together a couple summers ago. A small frown forms as she remembers their conversation about an hour ago.

    "Hey babe, I cancelled any and all lessons I have today. It's raining and it's perfect cuddle weather!"

    "I can't," he muttered disinterestedly, "I've got lots of work at the office right now. Why would you cancel all of that? Isn't that your reason for living or something?"

    "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Can't I take a break from work to spend time with you? Besides, I'm lonely. And slightly dressed... Could you come home and take the rest of them off for me? I forgot how," (f/n) purrs into the phone.

    On the other line, Jesse's throat constricts at the thought of her being alone and obviously horny. But something distracts him, "L-look, as tempting as that sounds, and trust me it is, I really can't today, love. I'm so sorry."

    Right after that he hung up. A small tear drops from her eye at the thought of being alone again. Aggressively wiping it away, she shakes her head to try to physically rid the thoughts and tries to find some music to fit the aura of the room and her feelings. Her fingers roughly scroll up and down on her keyboard, eyes glued to the screen as artists and titles mix together. Nothing is jumping out to the musician. It's music for heaven's sake! It shouldn't be that hard to find a playlist or composer or something to fulfill her needs. Her frustration rises as her (e/c) irises burn from staring too long at the bright screen. 

    The light in the room starts to fade as the wickers of the candles dwindle. As the light flickers, her heart beat rises as fear sets in. She whispers hushed 'no's' to herself as the light dies away and all that's left is the shadow of that's being cast from her laptop screen. It's not that she's afraid of the dark, sometimes she finds contentment in the dark. 

    It's being alone, in the dark, and with a storm outside is what scares her. 

    Unable to find solace in being by herself without Jesse, (F/n) turns to the next best thing. 

    Music.

    Right now, she eternally grateful to her father for helping find an above par sound system to match her musical wants and needs. And is up to date with the latest innovations. She gathers her laptop and rushes over to the television, which is the center of all that is sound. Using her USB cord, the (h/c) woman hooks up her laptop to an input in order to calm her nerves. However, she is still struggling on finding an adequate song to listen to. In frustration, she puts her music on shuffle. 

    The opening chord of he song awakens her ears as an idea begins to form.

~~~~~~~~

    If it's anything that's more bothersome than a storm, is a storm that is so obnoxiously loud that even his music can't drown out the sound. It's not only the sound of the rain, it's the atmosphere it provides. The gray skies, raindrops hitting and trailing down the windows, it irks him. For someone as cold as Tsukishima, one would think he would enjoy this type of weather. No, it's the opposite. 

    He irrefutably despises storms. 

    It's always been like that, but through his stoic nature no one could or ever can tell the tall man doesn't like storms. 

    With the impending doom of the storm, he was originally going to the library but decided against it. He's not sure what it is about the rain, but it definitely puts him in a sour mood. His supervisor had asked, more like told him, to grade some assignments from the beginning courses. Are people really this pathetically stupid? How do people confuse the Neolithic Age with the Paleolithic Age? Sometimes he wonders why he even decided to pursue this field if everyone he has to deal with isn't on his intellectual level. He was valedictorian at Tokyo U for heaven's sake and this is the type of bullshit he's dealing with? Tsukishima can think of many other things he could be doing than grading these papers.

    Maybe he could work up the courage to tell her the truth. 

    In all honesty, Tsukishima hates secrets. And he especially hates the secret he learned just a few days ago. A slight pang in his heart is ignored as he continues to stress over too many things going on in his life. He's about ready to throw in the towel when he hears abrupt movement in the apartment next door. Confused as to what is happening, he slams his pen onto the table and stomps over to (f/n)'s door. He's currently thinking of ways to berate her for her noisiness but he stops when he hears her struggling on the other side. Hesitantly, Tsukishima knocks on her door wondering what the hell she's doing in there. When the door opens, her (e/c) eyes show a sense of vitality, as if the young woman had a sudden and crazy idea. 

    A small smile appears on her face as she sees the tall man before her. "Oh thank goodness you're here," she breathes out, "I need your help moving my furniture."

    Lifting an eyebrow, the blond is unsure of her statement. "Are you moving out or something?"

    She furrows her eyebrows in confusion, "Uh no? Why would I be? I'm just, doing something. Please just help!"

    Rolling his eyes, he steps passed (f/n) showing his compliance to help her. Hopefully this will distract him for awhile. As he walks into her place, the (h/c) woman has an ecstatic smile on her face as she jumps for joy. When his eyes adjust to the lighting, he sees that some of the chairs and ottomans have been moved around in a haphazard way. This perplexes him even more. The further he walks in, a calm melody is heard is he enters the larger space of the common living room. He pauses and stares at her in disbelief as the strong willed woman attempts to push to heavy couch out of the way. Pushing with all her might, the stubborn couch wouldn't budge. 

    "This. Is. Hard. Wood. Floor. Why. Won't. This. Fucking. Thing. Move?!" 

    Tsukishima is eager to laugh at her predicament but decides against it when he sees the defeat in her eyes as she breathes heavily over the arm of the couch. Strolling over to her, he taps her lightly on the shoulder which seems to shake her out of her trance. With a wave of his hand, he shoves (f/n) out of the way as he nudges the couch out of the room, leaving it completely bare save for the television, laptop and speakers. All the little nooks and crannies have been cleared and the floor and walls are open for viewing. All the paintings and wall decor that adorned it have disappeared somewhere Tsuikishima doesn't want to know. 

    The young musician takes in her handiwork and breathes calmly. She then travels to the speakers to adjust the setting and volume, making sure the right input is in place. With a bluetooth remote. she grins in satisfaction and reaches her arm out toward the other male.

    "Come here. And turn off the lights."

    With a click of his tongue, he does as she commands and carefully walks toward her in the darkness. He extends his arms to find (f/n) and is slightly embarrassed as he feels her cold fingers take his hand and lead him toward the floor.

    "Why the hell are we laying on the floor?"

    "I want you to experience this with me," she whispers as she hits play on the remote.

~~~~~~~~

    She has no idea how long they've been laying on the floor listening to the same son on repeat. But all she knows is that she loves this moment. There are so many things she wants to yell and scream out about her range of emotions, but this piece, this work of art seems to do it for her. The strength of the homophonic and polyphonic lines and phrases reach her in new ways than ever before. With all the furniture moved out of the way, the sound was able to jump, bounce and reverberate off the walls and flow, creating an abundance of sound. To her, this was paradise. Letting the harmony take over her mind and soul and sending her on a journey she never wants to end, which is why the song has been on repeat. It's constant movement. 

    And listening to this one song with someone as important as Tsukishima means the world to her. 

    From when they first laid on the floor, she still never let go of his hand and even now she is. He didn't show any restraint either. Slowly, the light on her laptop began to fade as the battery is wearing low. The (e/c) eyed woman still has her eyes closed as her mind wanders for the last time. Her brain is trying to trick her into thinking that this is acceptable behavior but it isn't. He's not Jesse, yet why does the ring on her finger feel like such a dead weight  now? It is true that music does connect people in certain ways, but this can't be one of them. As the volume decreases with the dying laptop, the last few words of the song are hung in the empty air.

  
_Is that wrong?  
Isn't this what you want?_

__

    When those words hit his ears for the last time that night, everything she did made sense. It was clear why the walls had to be bare, why the floor and space needed to be free; to let the music captivate him and stimulate his senses and feelings. How long had it been since he's had a musical moment like this? Far too long in his opinion and one he will never forget. He realizes he never let go of (f/n)'s hand as he turns his head to the right to face her. Tsukishima never realized how heavy that ring felt on her finger until now. The notes send his mind on a fictional journey, one his taken before in his dreams. He imagined her, and they were doing all the things they did in the past and now. And just like in his dreams when he's about to claim her as his with a kiss, a lock appears over her heart and mouth as she's happily dragged away. 

    And tonight was no exception. 

    "Kei," she whispers lightly, her voice breaking from lack of use.

    "Hm?"

    "How come you didn't try to find me?"

    (F/n) is met with the pitter patter of the rain on the window as she waits for a response. He has no idea how to answer that question of hers.

    "Kei look at m-"

    "Stop using my first name," he spits out.

    Her heart freezes for a little bit at the coldness of his words. She shouldn't really be using it, and she's well aware of that. "Wouldn't it be weird if we were back in Japan and you were going around using my first name? What would everyone there think, idiot?"

    "We're not in Japan though," she rasps, "and I want to call you by your first name."

    "You can't-"

    "You are completely avoiding my question K- Tsukishima."

    Saying his surname tastes and sounds weird to the two of them. He's gotten so adjusted to her calling him Kei that now that she isn't, it seems off. 

    Taking a slow breath, he resolves to answer her question, regardless of how stupid and pathetic he'll sound.

    "Tch, fine. I didn't want to be disappointed."

    Sitting up to fully face him, her eyebrows furrow in confusion, "Disappointed how?"

    "I'm not gonna say," he mutters as he stands up to leave. (F/n) quickly pushes herself off the ground and races toward him to demand an answer. Just what is going on in his head?

    "Kei I swear to God you better fucking tell me or else I won't forgive you!"

    Stepping out into the light of the hallway, the pair has finally gotten a chance to truly take each other in. Amazement and wonder fill her (e/c) pupils as his amber ones look down at her. He looks away briefly to fix his glasses as he caught himself staring. A small tint of pink appear on his cheeks as he struggles to find the right words to tell her without pushing her away.

    "I didn't wanna see you living some fabulous life without me, because then I would have been the pathetic one," he states as he let's go of her heavy hand and walks away.

    

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Hymn of Acxiom" by Vienna Teng is by far one of my favorite songs, piece of music ever. For me, it's a song to really get lost in and I want you all to get lost in it as well.  
> 


	6. You Lost Me

Tsukishima Kei Reader

**A/N: Reader and Tsukishima are 22+ and some cursing**

****~~~~~~~~~

        With the semester coming to a close, the two neighbors had barely interacted since Tsuikishima's confession to her. Their respective majors had kept the both of them busy, understandably and regrettably. The pair didn't leave on a calming note, but the tension around them was dissonant. If they did see each other it was only briefly, exchanging small Hi's and some small talk, but nothing beyond that. If the cooling of the climate indicating that winter is coming didn't bring in some cold, their hearts and souls were already there. But in those small fleeting moments of peace, a small flicker of warmth would ignite inside the two of them, leaving the young man and woman wanting more.

    ~~~~~~~~

    (F/n)'s apartment was more than ready for the Thanksgiving festivities she was eager to host. The turkey she bought is sitting in fridge, along with the other food and ingredients needed to make this Thanksgiving a delicious and memorable one. And maybe, just maybe, she'll have the chance to spend much needed alone time with Jesse. Not that the (h/c) girl had been counting, but it had been 10 days and 18 hours since the two of them have properly communicated. And it was high time that they had a nice grown up, adult conversation. 

    So that is why she is at Jesse's office, a packed lunch in tow, with high expectations of seeing him. Stepping into the buildings main elevator, (f/n) pushes the button for the 10th floor. As the elevator ascends, the young woman lets her mind wander as the mirrored space reflects her image across the walls. _I've got to come up with a solo song for show choir,_ she muses. The ding and shift of her center of gravity let her know that she has reached her destination. As the doors open, the bright lights and white walls and floors blind her momentarily, forgetting the pristine appearance of her fiance's office. The sound of her boots clicking across the tile alerts the front secretary of (f/n) presence. 

    "Hi Vanessa! Do you know if Jesse is free right now? I brought him lunch."

    The young lady in the seat looked up and a small gasp escaped her lips. "Are you his girlfriend? I'll let him know right away that someone special is here for him."

    And suddenly a shimmer on a (s/c) finger shakes Vanessa slightly. 

    "Actually, we're in engaged! Very few people know. We wanted to wait a little bit to tell everyone, but I can trust you right?"

    "Uh, yeah. That's wonderful! I'll go get him for you. Could you wait here for me?"

    Vanessa saunters off rapidly before (f/n) could respond. A small smile appears on her (s/c) cheeks as she thinks of how delighted Jesse will be to see her and to have another homemade meal. Checking her watch for the fifth time, she wonders what is taking the young girl so long to get her fiance. Taking matters into her own hands, she gets up and walks toward his office. As she makes a left and then a right turn, she approaches his office and is about to walk in when heated voices come from the closed door.

    "You're engaged?! I thought you said it wasn't serious."

    _Vanessa?_

"And I told you it was none of your business. Just get her for me okay? We'll meet up later."

    _Jesse? What's going on?_

Vanessa storms out of his office and almost runs into the confused young woman. Both fix their appearance before walking away. An uneasy feeling settles into (f/n)'s stomach. Something seems off, but she can't exactly pinpoint what it is. Looking for an open seat, she sits herself down and keeps their lunches in her lap. The silence in the air is too much for her to take.

    "What was that about?"

    Jesse sighs deeply, walking closer to her sitting form. He removes the packed lunches from her lap and stands her up so they are face to face. "It's just someone with an office crush darling. It's nothing," he coos to her as he wraps his arms around her waist, "to worry about." He seals the deal with a light peck on her cold nose.

    (F/n) giggles at his antics and then questions, "Should I be worried? She is very pretty," she mentions, running her hands through his silky hair, "and I don't deal with competition well."

    The last sentence was whispered huskily into Jesse's ear, causing him to shudder at her low voice. God, it's felt like ages since he's properly loved and touched her. But with his office having glass windows and walls, it would be hard to fulfill his fantasy of office sex. But damn was his fiance making it hard for him to not take her then and there. The curve of her hips and the sunlight shining through the glass onto her facial features make her worthy of a magazine cover, but only for his eyes only. 

    "With you here, there is no other competition." 

    Jesse closes the small space in between the two deep breathing bodies and envelops the young woman into his own form. He lifts her legs so that they naturally wrap around his waistline. His hands travel up her back and dive into her (h/c) locks, giving her goosebumps at the feeling. The working lad walks to one of the walls and traps his lover between him and the wall, attacking her neck with open mouthed, wet kisses, leaving no inch of skin untouched. The need for oxygen becomes too much as the pair breaks away to make sensual eye contact. Heavy heated breaths is all that's heard in the intimate scene between them. (F/n) lets out a small cough and clicks her head toward the glass wall. 

    "You should really consider getting curtains for this place."

~~~~~~~~

      
        Closing the office door behind him, Tsukishima walks into (F/n)'s grad office and takes a seat, huffing slightly in the process. "Tch, I don't know why we're here if she isn't in here. This is her office."

    "Oh quiet beanstalk," (bf/n) says, "I come in here all the time to study. Besides, I needed to talk to you."

    (Bf/n) occupied the chair in front of the office window, giving them a view of the cold fall windy day. The outside light blends in with the fluorescent lighting provided,  casting off weirdly shaped shadows along the room. A light reflects off an angle from Tsukishima's glasses that momentarily blinds the other being in the room. Waving her hands in front of her quickly shut eyes, the young man apologizes and sighs out, "So why do you need me here?"

    Spinning around in the office chair, she leans her arm over to the arm rest and dizzily states, "I'm glad you asked. It's about you."

    "Me?"

    "And Jesse too, but mainly you." She pauses briefly to steady her thoughts and to stop the room from spinning. "I don't know what it is about you, but it's almost like she doesn't need me anymore.

    "You were her best friend before I was and now that you're here," she stops to catch her breath and control her emotions, "it's like I'm invisible."

    "You know that's not true. I haven't really spoken to her recently and-"

    "Yeah I know, mister 'I-didn't-wanna-be-disappointed'. She told me."

    Tsukishima moves to fix his lenses in frustration at this woman's responses. "So why are you so upset with me? If you spoke about that you've spoken about other things."

    The sound of weight shifting onto the ground is heard in the ambiance in the air. (Bf/n) stood up out of the chair and walked over to his cushioned seat. "She talks about you all the time, more than before. And, as of late she hasn't been the same and I don't know she's my only friend here and I don't wanna lose her and-"

    "Oi, you've got that rambling thing that she has. You're not losing her. When I did spend time with her, all I heard was school, you, and Jesse. So you're okay."

    The corners of her lips move upward in a tiny grin as she shrugs her shoulders with her giggles. "Thanks, I don't know what I was worried about, when really I should be worried about Jesse." 

    The blond lifts an eyebrow, intrigued by the flow of conversation. He silently urges for her to keep speaking, which she does. "There's something off about him these past few months," she starts, "well I never liked him in the first place but (F/n) was so adamant about him meeting my requirements for the friend test..."

    Her statement earned a small chuckle out of the tall man sitting in front of her. That seemed to lighten the mood a little bit, releasing some of the former tension from the previous topic. (Bf/n) starts to laugh with him, finally finding something to bond with the male over. She slows her breaths by asking, "So I guess you don't like him either?"

    "I don't like most people," he drags out, "but he's definitely not my favorite person."

    Crouching down to his eye level, (Bf/n) raises her eyebrows with a coy smile on her lips. "I'm pretty sure I know who you're favorite person is and don't even deny it."

    Tsukishima tries and fails to cover the blush growing on his bright and clear skin. How is he so easily readable around someone he's run into once or twice? It has to be the change in his surroundings and environment. But he's been able to deal with adaptations before and hasn't had his wall broken... So why is one person, his neighbor, someone he never wanted to see again screw up with his mind with ease? So much so that everyone close to said person can read him as well as she can. Or could, how would he know? After the beans he spilled, he and said person haven't had a grown up conversation.

    A pair of squinting eyes take him out of his thoughts as his mind is refocused to the woman in front of him. Her quizzical look annoys the tall blond rapidly. "What?"

    "I don't know, I think you know something about Jesse that no one else knows."

    Honey gold eyes through this lenses stare at her impassively, "I don't know anything. This was nice," he huffs pushing himself out of the chair, "we should meet up again." As he beings to walk out, tiny beads of sweat appear on his palms as he blatantly lies through his teeth. If anyone were to tell the hard working woman of her lovers infidelity it should be Jesse. Tsukishima would rather travel back to Miyagi and talk with Kageyama than tell (F/n) that Jesse is cheating on her. 

    "You know, if you do know something, anything, please tell her. You're too important to each other to have whatever this is tear you guys apart."

    He lets go of the door handle and promptly turns around at the sudden pitch raise of her voice. He's slowly losing his composure the longer he stays. All he has to is reverse his actions and walk away. His mind is overflowing with thoughts and scenarios, all logically possible of course(to him at least).

    "If I tell her," he falters slightly, "she'll be angry that I didn't mention it to her earlier."

    "But if you don't? Then what, she'll find out on her own?"

    "It would be better-"

    "And then Jesse would tell her that YOU knew all along," she yelled. "What then?"

    His eyes widen at her outburst. She's right. He never thought that part out. But what's the point? (F/n) isn't a child, she can handle things on her own. "Tch, it's her own fault for falling in love with someone as pathetic is him. It's not my problem, it never was." With his final statement he walks out of the office struggling to keep his composure. Why is all of this happening now? If he really cared about her as much as he does, then why didn't he end her suffering earlier? Maybe, right now, ignorance is bliss.

~~~~~~~~

_I am done. Smoking gun._

        With her midday plans somewhat successful, the young grad student returned to her university office to finish up some work. Her struggles with Jesse made focusing and working twice as hard as it should have been. But after her little rendezvous in his office, productivity level increased. Procrastinated essays had been written, skipped lessons had been made up, all with enough energy to teach a couple fitness classes.  Needless to say, her day had been long and eventful. As she waves bye to her students, a sweaty palm rubs the top of her forehead of any excess moisture, huffing loudly to speak for the ache in her bones. Closing the door to the university recreation room, the fit (e/c) eyed woman searches her bag for her phone. _Ugh, it's almost 9 and I still have to take care of some things before going home._ She dials Jesse to let him know that she will be coming home late again.

    "Oh, that's alright," he pants, "I'm glad we got to see each other today. Take your time coming home, I love you."

    "I love you too. Hey Jesse?"

    "Yeah?"

    "I wanna spend Christmas with your family."

    A small whisper is heard on the other line and he deeply breathes out, "Really? That's fantastic! Gah, babe I love you so much! I'll see you later."

    As she hung up the phone, a small smile graced her lips as her heart was tempting to rise out of her chest. The amount of sheer joy and elation (F/n) felt in that one moment is enough to last her a lifetime. This is why she does what she does, for her future with Jesse. For the small bits of happiness that she feels over the tiniest things. 

    This is why she suddenly decided to procrastinate on her tasks and head home. Her drive home is peaceful, full of wandering and lingering thoughts. She turns on the radio to an everything station and hears a song from her past that she absolutely adores. With that, a light bulb went off in her head. 

    "I've got it," she shouts to herself, "I'll sing Ain't No Other Man by queen Christina. It's perfect!"

    (S/c) fingers drum along to the bass, snare and horn of the song, lifting her spirits to the stars. Without a second thought, she pulls up into her apartment complex parking lot as soon as the song ends. (F/n) happily hops out of the car, securing her items into her hands and shuts the car door with a thump. Her high energy and excitement from the day take her quickly inside and up the elevator as if she was dancing on air. The aura her being was giving off was enough to bring dead plants back to life; it was that infectious. 

    Her mind is in sweet, sweet bliss as she presses the elevator button for her floor. The acceleration and ascension of the box went by in a blur. Every now and then, she would glance at herself in one of the many mirrors surrounding her and examine the ring on her (s/c) finger. This time around, (F/n) truly admires the beauty of the ring, noticing all the details that Jesse must have put into picking it for her. A smooth crimson floods her cheeks in happiness and seeing this makes her want to smile even more and get off the damned elevator. 

    After what felt like the slowest rise ever, she bursts out and heads to her, no, their home with ecstatic fervor. Barging the door down, she sets her bags onto a dining room chair and calls out for Jesse. She's eagerly waiting for his response. _Maybe he fell asleep, he does overwork himself._ Hoping to catch him sleeping, her steps seem to linger slower and slower as she nears their shared bedroom. The noises from the other side freeze her body.

    She can very well hear Jesse in there, but what makes her heart officially shatter,

    is the voice of the young lady she came to respect at Jesse's office.

   

  
_We've lost it all. The love is gone_

__

    Shaky palms attempt to reach for the door handle as her greatest fears are becoming closer to reality.

    "Oh god Vanessa, just like that."

    (F/n) lips tremble as her thoughts have been confirmed.A sweaty hand moves to cover her lips, trying to contain a scream and cry that needs to come out. But nothing does. All that occurs from her face is her (e/c) filled and overflowing with tears. As quickly as she entered her apartment, she leaves even faster, slamming the door in the process. Her frame is up against the door as she listens to shuffling on the other side and slight curses. 

    Her legs give out from under her as she falls to the floor, body curled in as she covers her face and silently cries. Anguish, betrayal, deception, all of those words hit her harder than a ton of bricks. (H/c) strands of hair become slowly covered in salty wet moisture, as the tears continue to fall.

    "Shit, babe I can explain," Jesse tries to coo in her ear. He places his tainted hands on her shoulders which is quickly shoved away. 

    "Don't fucking touch me," she yells with all her might, "how long have you been screwing her huh?"

    The sound of nearby doors opening and closing are heard but not received. Her stance is tall, but moving as she pants heavily trying to collect her rushing thoughts.

  
_She has won. Now it's no fun.  
We lost it all, the love is gone._

__

    As she glares daggers at the man in front of her, she then frantically shoots her vision to her left hand. Her constant shivers make it hard to complete the task of removing their engagement ring. The metal band slowly shifts its way past each joint of her finger. As soon as her finger is released from the weight, the crumbling woman throws it in his chest. 

    "Get, the hell out of my house Jesse Arnet! We're done!"

    The lone sound heard after her outburst is clinking of metal on hallway floor.

  
_And we had magic  
And this is tragic  
You couldn't keep your hands to yourself_

__

    Tsukishima couldn't shake the words (bf/n) had spatted at him earlier in the day. He knows he's keeping a secret from her, but what does she expect him to do? He's not some hot-headed buffoon riding high on his pride to get him by. No, he's the opposite. Passive, reclusive. At least, that's what he's trying to prove to himself and her.

    He, for the umpteenth time, tries to push those thoughts away as he walks into the elevator to return to his peaceful and comfortable bed. His headphones are almost at full volume as he lets the music take control of his heart and mind. This day had been too trying for him. His meeting with (bf/n), his off campus field trip he had that morning with his student group, and his hearing that his older brother was going to visit him for a week or so was enough to make the tall blond high tail it to the nearest bar.

    Golden hues look to the top of the elevator to see his floor and starts to walk out when his momentum is put off balance. "Oi, watch where you're going."

    The thing that had upset him stops and turns around. Feeling impassive, he puts his headphones back on and tries to walk away. 

    "You told her didn't you? Hey! I'm talking to you four eyes."

    That last comment made the young man stop in his tracks and turn around with a not amused smirk. "Oh good one, how long did it take for you to come up with that one? And I don't know what you're talking about."

    His weight is shifted again as two fists ball up and wrinkle his shirt. "Listen here you little prick, I just got kicked out of my place by her!"

    Tsukishima coolly responds, "Then why are you still here?" Quickly turning his back to Jesse, he trudges to his door. The ding of the descending elevator gives him some peace. Pulling his keys from deep in his pockets, he immediately places the key into the lock, when his glasses catch a shining object on the ground near his feet. Against his better judgement, he bends down to get a closer look, and upon further inspection the small item on the ground makes his breath hitch.

    Rising quickly, he knocks on her door.

  
_I feel like our world's been infected  
And somehow you left me neglected_

__

    "Jesse I told you to leave!"

    Still, the abrupt knocking on her door continued. Gathering her strength, the (h/c) woman stomps to the door ready to give Jesse a piece of her mind. Her tear stained face has trails of wet and dried make up in random spots. The red in her (e/c) is hard to swallow as it shows the depth of her love and pain for this, this horrible man. As she approaches the door, she swings it open and starts yelling, "God damnit Jesse I said to go away you-"

    Her tear filled eyes are met with attentive honey mist ones. Her resolve comes crumbling as she stares into his eyes, for real this time. She blinks her eyes a couple times as her lips tremble and struggle to form words. She sees in his right hand is her engagement ring. 

    Before she's able to take the ring from the man in front of her, a pale callused hand grabs her wrist with his empty hand. His facial features soften at her shivering body. If only he could do something to take away her suffering. But he knows that there's isn't anything he can do. All he does is watch her sink more into herself as he hold her body up. 

    "(F/n)."

    Silent tears continue to cascade down her cheeks and onto the floor where a puddle is forming beneath their feet. All the blond sees is her (h/c) hair shaking left and right as hushed words leave her lips.

    "You're mumbling, speak up."

    "Is this LOUD enough for you? Am I mumbling now Kei? Am I fucking mumbling now?!"

    Her hoarse voice cuts through the eerie white noise. Tsukishima is left breathless at her outburst. Said man is then pushed away harshly by the adrenaline filled (F/n). 

    "Give me the ring Tsukishima or so help me I will rip it from your cold dead hands!"

    "I'd like to see you try chibi."

    Rushing like a bull toward the tall man, she wraps her hands around his one and tries to pry it open. He raises his hand above his head, clearly placing it out of reach. (F/n) relentlessly jumps up and down to try to claim the symbol of love and trust that was supposed to be meaningful. The more she lands on her two feet, the more reality sets in of Jesse's actions. Everything she did, showing up to his work, asking to spend time with his family, it was all for nothing. Everything was one big lie. How long had he been lying to her? That would explain the conversation she overheard during her lunch break. It's unfair. It's all un-fucking-fair. 

    Tsukishima sees that she has given up and lowers his aching arm. He uses his free hand to lift her chin up so that he is looking into her eyes. He had seen her hurt before, however nothing compares to the childlike sadness in her (e/c) eyes. It breaks him on the inside to see her like this. She never needed this to happen, no one does...But especially his (F/n).

    More salty wetness fills her eyes as her lips open up slightly. 

    "Why would he do this to me? How come he doesn't want me?"

    Her body is engulfed in the warmness of the man in front of her. Letting out whimpers, she muffles her cries into the clothed broad chest of Tsukishima. Realizing that a one armed hug isn't enough, he throws the ring across the hall and out of sight. Finally, he fully encloses her body in the care and love she deserves. He isn't sure of how to answer her question. Because to him, there is no answer that would fulfill her wants and needs. 

    So he lets her cry into his shirt, in the middle of the hallway in between their two apartments.

_We've found our lives been changed  
Babe, you lost me_

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Song used is "You Lost Me" by Christina Aguilera


	7. Amnesia

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> AHHHHHHHHH so this was pretty intense if I do say so myself. I hope this next chapter lived up to your expectations!  
> I've been super stressed and dealing with lots of emotions and I apologize if that is shown in this writing. I'm just, ugh. I'm sorry

**A/N: Tsukishima and Reader are 22+  
Slight mature content**

    The microwave beeped, letting (F/n) know that her leftovers from Thanksgiving are ready. It's been the same meal for the past few days, considering she had over cooked. She was expecting another body to devour her cooking but recent events that have been occupying her mind as of late proved otherwise. The young woman stalks over to the empty dinner table, warm plate in one hand and an unopened bottle of wine in the other. This is the third, or is it the fourth, bottle of wine she's drunken in the last few days. She's been raiding their wine collection that they were saving for the wedding. But what use is it now if there's no wedding to be had? What's the point, a question she has been asking herself since the incident.

    What's the fucking point?

    (F/n) saw no point in everything she was doing. When was the last time she stepped outside or talked to someone face to face? When was the last time she properly interacted with a human being?

    Oh that's right, Tsukishima and his brother, Akiteru, who decided at the last minute to join her for Thanksgiving dinner.

    After she had cried all she could that night, the young woman packed up some of her things and spent the night in her small office space. The walls were more confining than usual, truly representing how lonely she is now. Her work became sloppy and lazy as she tried to refocus on finishing out the semester. The next morning proved to be brutal, as the sound of a vacuum cleaner had awoken her suddenly. The janitor had been used to seeing her on certain occasions, but with it being close to Thanksgiving break, he was confused by her presence. The older man noticed the caked on tears that remained on her face and the deep circles underneath her eyes were more prominent than ever. 

    "I'm surprised to see you this morning, Ms. (L/n). Is everything okay?"

    Her eyes met his and that was all he needed to know. He gathered his cleaning supplies and left her office promptly. The janitor returned a few minutes later with a fresh hot cup of (F/n)'s favorite morning drink. Meeting his eyes truly this time, she can't hold anything back and begins to sob. Unrecognizable words sputter from her lips and into the tense air around her. She has been so strong for as long as she can remember and this is one of the few and rare times she has felt and been defeated. Her shoulders hunch over and shake at her wails of pain and heartbreak. 

    When all of her tears had been cried for that morning, the lovely janitor bends down to her level. "Well, Ms," his voice cracked a little bit, "I know it's not my place but why don't you take the day off? I'm not your boss or anything but it's a suggestion." He stops briefly to hold her hands in his and deeply sighs, "He's not worth all of these tears."

    With that, the janitor tips his hat in farewell and walks out of the office, slowly closing the door behind him. His last words rung in her ear louder than anything else

  
_I drove by all the places we used to hang out getting wasted_  
_I thought about our last kiss, how it felt, how you tasted_  
And even though your friends tell me you're doing fine  
Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you?  
When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you? 

  
A few days later, Tsukishima stands impatiently at the local airport, glancing through his phone to hopefully pass the time until the flight arrival. His brother had been pestering him for months to find a solid time to visit without their parents being around. And they, well Akiteru mainly, found a timeframe that worked well for the both of them. So now there he was waiting for that familiar mop of an ashier blond head to appear. Going off of outside appearances, no one would have been able to know how excited the younger brother was to see his elder. Secretly, he's somewhat glad that Akiteru is more proactive than he is.

    "Don't look too excited to see your older brother!"

    Tsukishima quickly turned his head to meet familiar eyes. The corners of his lips lifted slightly at the sight of his family. His mind reverted back to memories and old times back at his home.

    "I'm surprised you spoke English. It's not too bad."

    Akiteru sheepishly smiles at him, "I wanted to try and fit in with Americans and was practicing my English ever since we found out you were coming here nii-san."

    "Tch, whatever. What's your baggage claim number?"

    Fumbling through his carry on bag, Akiteru pulls out a small piece of paper that is wrinkled up. "Uh, B-6."

    Knowing where to go, Tsukishima lead his brother through the craziness of the crowded airport to get to their baggage claim. After growing up and dealing with overcrowded trains and airports in Japan, navigating his way through here was a breeze. It was easy to spot Akiteru's bag as it was the one almost overflowing with stuff inside, and clearly not like all the other matching black suitcases around the machine. Looking at the size of his luggage, Tsukishima didn't hesitate to make a comment. "You're not staying forever you know."

    Akiteru scoffs at him, "Psh, I know that. I wasn't sure of the weather here. Why can't it just be Celsius like everywhere else?"

    The younger man rolls his eyes and twitches his head in the direction of the exit. The two men walk out of the airport with a calm silence falling between them. Tsukishima then flagged down an awaiting taxi cab throughout the dozens of others trying to do the same. As the cab approached their position, Akiteru gathered his things, "So how far away do you live from here?"

    "About 35 minutes," Tsukishima grunted out helping him load the trunk of the car. "It's pretty nice."

    "I'm excited to see it." 

~~~~~~~~

    "Thank you for the ride."

    "I'm just doing my job is all. Remember to pay with credit card in the back."

    "Will do," Tsukishima responded. However, his brother stopped him from using his money to pay for the expensive taxi drive.

    "No, I'll pay. It's the least I could do for you housing me and all."

    The younger man lifted an eyebrow at Akiteru's actions but shrugged it off whispering "It's your money I don't care."

    After he paid the fee, they retrieved their luggage and waved goodbye to their cab. The two brothers briskly walked into the apartment building. Akiteru was stunned by how nice it was. The lobby looked like it belonged in a hotel. He gave a low whistle at the amazing interior. "I guess American apartments are different than in Japan."

    Tsukishima shrugged his shoulders, "I mean, mom and dad wanted the best for me. So here we are."

    Still in awe, Akiteru takes his time strolling through the lobby as he follows his younger brother to the elevator. Tsukishima pressed the button for his floor and promptly waited for the elevator. "So," the elder asks, "have you made any friends here yet?"

    "Yeah I guess. I know my neighbor. She's pretty nice."

    "Oh? It's a woman? Do you know how old she is? Older? Younger?" He questioned his brother while wiggling his eyebrows. This caused the younger to be a little flustered at his brother's antics. 

    "So you have met someone. Mom and dad have been wondering if you'll ever meet someone."

    "Tch, just because you're engaged doesn't mean I'm a lost cause."

    "I didn't say that. So, what's her name?"

    "Doesn't matter."

    "But it does."

    "Sure, whatever."

    Clearly avoiding the question, the brothers quietly enjoy the short elevator ride. The elevator dinged alerting them that they have arrived at Tsukishima's floor. When the doors opened, Akiteru was surprised at the dingy and plain lighting in the hallway. He was half expecting the fancy hotel lighting and special carpets. But, it turns out it was just an average apartment floor, nothing too special about it. Akiteru struggled to keep up with his brother as they made their way down the corridor. He looks up and sees a man standing outside an apartment, shakily trying to open up the door.

    "Is he one of your neighbors?"

    Lost in his thoughts, Tsukishima didn't realize that there was someone near them. Once his amber eyes figure out who the figure is, a deep scowl forms on his face. "No, he's not."

    He then decided it would be in his best interest to "accidentaly" run into him on their way to his front door. "Oops, didn't see you there."

    The man in question quickly turns to face him, "I think she changed the locks," he says angrily. Once Tsukishima puts the key and turns the lock for his apartment, he looks over to Jesse.

    "Good for her."

~~~~~~~~  
_Sometimes I start to wonder if it was all a lie?_  
If what we had was real, how could you be fine?  
Cause I'm not fine at all  


    The young woman was doing some studying for an upcoming exam after the break when she heard the mysterious jingling of her door. Was it an intruder? A murderer? Or worse yet, were the new locks she installed faulty? Not taking any chances, she grabs the nearest object and holds it high above her head. Tip toeing hew way to the door, she takes a deep breath and then quickly pulls the door open wide. However, once the door was opened, she couldn't believe her eyes.

    "What the hell do you want?"

    Standing there with his signature bad boy smirk and hands in his pockets, he chuckled at her antics. "Babe, I'm here to apologize. Vanessa, she was nothing to me." He walks into the apartment, taking advantage of (Name)'s vulnerability. Her heart is racing at too high of a speed, she was afraid he might be able to hear it. 

    He moved in to wrap his arms around her form, but she quickly pushes them away. "I have your stuff in those boxes at the front. Pick them up and get the fuck out."

    "Seriously (Name) do you really think you can push me away that quickly? I love you, you know that. And I know that you love me too."

    "If you loved me then why did you cheat on me?! Don't spout lies, I'm not gonna hear another word. Get out!"

    Her voice had raised in volume by her last statement. Jesse started to realize that his plans weren't going to be easy so he heads toward the door where his boxes were. He hears a sigh of relief come from his ex fiance, and his composure cracks. He motions to pick up one of the boxes carefully, and then he slams it into the wall.

    "You bitch! I gave you everything when you first came here! You think you can just throw me out of your life? I was the first one to take care of you when you were alone! How could you forget that? You would be friendless without me, and you know it."

    "Shut up! Stop yelling at me! We're done, don't you understand? D, O, N, E. Done!"

    She had felt the slap before she had heard his hard palm against her skin. "You're making me feel stupid again!"

    "Jesse calm down. Your anger is getting out of control again. Now please leave."

    "Don't you remember what you said? We're done so I don't really have to listen to you." The (e/c) woman was terrified of his aura at the present moment. He hadn't had an awful outburst like this in years and back then he hit her too. But this time is different, he doesn't apologize for his actions. 

    He takes a few strides to place his hands on her shoulders, tightening his grip as his eyes bore into hers. "I don't need you, but you need me. Who gave you the idea to go into graduate school? Who was there for you when the stresses of school were getting too much. I was." Her shoulders began to feel sore the more he held onto her. Her nerves sending shocks of pain to that region. And also the feeling of being stunned into a paralyzed state. Her breaths were heavy as she attempts to process all that is happening.

    "Get your hands off me and get out. Now!"

    Jesse used all of his force to push (f/n) into the wall. Jesse had been violent before, but had rarely ever laid a hand on her. She's trying to figure out why he would be here in the first place. It's been a little over a week since their big fallout, so what could have occurred? 

    Then it clicks.

    "Vanessa stopped fucking you didn't she?" She knew she struck a nerve when his fists clenched so tight his knuckles were turning white. Her lips turn into a smirk at finding out what had ticked him off. "Serves you right. I may not be happy with her, but she can do better than scum like you."

    "Everything is falling apart and it's all your fault!"

    "Why don't you listen to her and leave."

    Neither party had heard the creak of the door open wider than before, revealing the face of her savior. 

    "Kei," she breathes out as a smile adorns her face.

  
_I remember the day you told me you were leaving_  
_I remember the make up running down your face_  
_And the dreams you left behind you didn't need them_  
_Like every single wish we ever made_  
_I wish that I could wake up with amnesia_  
_And forget about the stupid little things_  
_Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you_  
_And the memories I never can escape_  
_Cause I'm not fine at all_

  
Tsukishima already had a bad feeling in his gut when he saw him at her door. His worries were confirmed when he heard something loud against the wall dividing their apartments. 

    "Whoa, what the hell was that?"

    Akiteru was shocked when after that he heard voices through the wall. A man and a woman. He could barely make out the English, but there was one word that caught his attention. Rather it was a name that he hadn't heard in years.

    "Kei, is your neighbor (f/n)? Because I heard-"

    "Yes," he quickly responds.

    Raising his eyebrows in shock and bewilderment, he scoffs at the impossibility of this situation. He suddenly stands up and makes his way toward the front door. "Kei, we've got to do something. This guy sounds terrible."  
  
    Pushing himself off the couch he strolls toward his older brother, "Don't you think I already know that?"

    "Then go over there! Don't think I forgot about how you felt about her."  
  
    "Well I spent years burying those feelings because she left and didn't do anything to keep in touch with me. How am I supposed to just get rid of all that practice of acting like I didn't care when people would ask me about her?"

    Akiteru sighed and quietly stated, "Maybe, maybe you still love her."

    Golden eyes widen behind thick frames at this incredulous suggestion. "Be reasonable. It's only been a few months."

    Tsukishima was already halfway out the door when he said those words. Mainly because the yelling and arguing had gotten worse during his exchange with his brother. 

    Akiteru had a small grin on his face. His brother maybe cynical and hard to figure, but if its anything to him, Kei wears his heart on his sleeve.

  
_The pictures that you sent me they're still living in my phone_  
_I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone_  
_And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around_  
_It hurts to know you're happy, yeah it hurts that you've moved on_  
_It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long_  
_It's like we never happened, was it just a lie?_  
_If what we had was real, how could you be fine?_

  
A strange feeling overwhelms Tsukishima as he hears his older brother talk about her. Was it courage? Bravery? Or something far stronger and deeper than that? The memories of the past few months replay in his head in a quick blur as he gets up and contemplates what he is to do. He then starts to remember their past, how close they were regardless of him being a year younger than the female. All the little adventures she forced him to go on, but secretly enjoyed. He remembers the few times he would ask her for homework help and advice on everything in life.

    And then he remembers the first time they kissed.

    _It was at a New Years party some of their friends had thrown during his second year. Tsukishima already didn't want to be there but he was dragged along by his two best friends and forced to go. Yamaguchi had just recently asked Yachi to be his girlfriend and they wanted to celebrate the new year with all their friends. So who was Tsukishima to deny his freckled friend and his new girl? It didn't help that (F/n) wanted to go too, so there he was stuck there while everyone else was having fun._

 _The countdown into the new year was about to commence and those who had significant others were getting ready to kiss at the count of zero, and others were preparing small fireworks to commemorate. However, Tsukishima found himself staring at the slumped shoulders of (F/n). She had, unfortunately, recently been broken up with and took this party as a way to get out and have fun. Unknowingly to her, her younger friend had noticed her down aura and went over to cheer her up. All of his proper thinking went out the window when the loud chants began._

 _"10.."_

 _He had approached her slowly and nudged her side, making her furrow her brows at him._

 _"9, 8, 7..."_

 _Her smile seemed to radiate despite her upset demeanor when the tall blond came to her. She was happy he stood by her. She realized that she never wanted to tire of always looking to him to lift her spirits._

 _Maybe she had been wrong the past few years._

 _"6, 5, 4..."_

 _Maybe she should just stick to a university in Japan and not in America._

 _"3..."_

 _She thinks she won't get another moment like this in the next few months she has here._

 _"2.."_

 _He starts to think that she deserves better and that maybe a moment like this won't come around again._

 _"1.."  
_  
    _The two parties slowly move into each other, golden eyes glance at soft and slightly parted lips._

 _"0! Happy New Year!"_

 _With all the crazy noises around them, they didn't hear them as they were locked in a once in a lifetime embrace that neither of them will forget.  
_  


      
    Tsukishima's heart clenches at the memory and questions his intentions as he stares at her door.

    "Everything is falling apart and it's all your fault!"

    The sound of Jesse's voice breaks his trance as he enters her apartment. Boxes and things are strewn about the apartment and the mess seems to lead into the kitchen area where he sees her on the ground and a fuming man standing above her.

    "Why don't you listen to her and leave?"

    The way she breathes out his name reaffirms the reason why he's over here in the first place. 

    No matter how much he wants to forget ever having feelings for the young (e/c) woman before his eyes, he knows that's something that will never change. The look in her eyes when she sees him walk in is one he could possibly get used to. But of course, he won't tell anyone about this. 

~~~~~~~~

    It took longer than she imagined, but with the help of Tsukishima, (F/n) was able to drive Jesse out of her apartment, his shit included. Now the lonely female sits in her neighbors home on their couch with a nice big mug of hot chocolate. A warm comforting blanket wraps her around her snuggly as she takes deep breaths do decompose from the high emotions from earlier. She had been so focused on calming herself that she didn't notice the other tall presence in the room.

    "Akiteru? Is that you?"

    Said blond smiles at her and gives her a small wave. "You don't have to speak Japanese for me. I remember English being your first language. That's why Kei tried so hard to lean English better than everyone else-"

    "Okay Akiteru you can stop," Kei slightly threatens as he walks into the living area with two more mugs. As he sits down on chair opposite the couch, he sighs before he starts to speak, "I know he's here, but feel free to stay here so you're not alone."

    "No offense Kei, but I can handle myself," she said indignantly as she meets his gaze above her mug.

    "Tch, you did a really good job just now didn't you?"

    "Kei, come on. Be a little nicer to her. She's been through a tough ordeal."

    He stands up aggressively as he walks away, "That's her fault for being with someone like him." And with that statement, he makes his way to his room.

    The two parties left on the couch wince at the sound of a door slamming shut. Akiteru looks to his left to see her hugged into herself more.

    "You know he cares about you right?"  

    (E/c) eyes drift over to the deep voice that caught her attention. "Kei I mean, he does. Actually I have a question for you," he pauses briefly to await her response. She nods slowly, allowing him to continue, "Well, I'm getting married in half a year and I'd like to invite you. I'm not sure if you will or not, but do you remember Saeko? Tanaka's older sister?"

    A goofy grin adorns her face as she processes the news. She was able to see sparks fly between them the moment they first laid eyes on each other at Kei's first important match of his volleyball career. "Aki! That's exciting!" She playfully punches his shoulder which causes the older man to chuckle.

    "You haven't called me by that in a long time."

    "Well, I haven't seen you. Do you remember when I had a little crush on you?"

    Akiteru snickers, "I almost forgot. You were what, like 10? Oh man," he laughs harder at the memory, "Kei was so jealous of me."

    A melodious laugh leaves the young woman's mouth, "Oh really? Wasn't that around the time he was upset with you about volleyball anyways?"

    "Oh yikes, you're right," he comments rubbing the nape of his neck, "I don't think that helped. But that's when you first moved to Japan right?"

    Their light banter quickly spread throughout the rest of the apartment as it reached Tsukishima's ears. It surprised the younger sibling how easy it was for the two of them to have an effortless conversation. How was his older brother able to easily communicate with her as if it's nothing? He's barely seen her and it's almost like they're back to where they were before. But why are they going through these memories as if they don't mean anything?

    He doesn't want to remember her crush on his older brother because he thought about for years how he wanted it to be him.

    He doesn't want to remember how good their first and only kiss was and that it sent him to cloud nine.

    He doesn't want to remember how he felt when she left and didn't talk to him for years.

    He doesn't want to remember how his feelings for her have never left, if anything they've only gotten worse for him.

    Tsukishima tries to drown out their conversation but is failing and isn't even trying anymore when he hears her voice.

    "Aki, I don't get it. Jesse was supposed to make me forget how I felt, well feel for him. Why, after all this time, do I still love him? How come he didn't make me happy like Kei does?"

    Even though they were a few feet apart, they had the some thoughts and feelings

    "Why can't I just forget?"

 _I wish that I could wake up with amnesia  
And forget about these stupid little things  
Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you  
And the memories I never can escape  
Cause I'm not fine at all_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Amnesia is by 5SOS


	8. Seasons of Love

Authors Note: I know in the last chapter I had the Japanese underlined considering they were in America, but now that the scene is set in Japan, the characters will primarily be speaking in Japanese unless otherwise noted. Happy Reading!

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The large crowd of airport users was more packed than usual for the holiday season, which made navigating through it near impossible. Once they left the baggage claim, Tsukishima and (F/n) waddled with their luggage to the nearest exit. With his longer legs the blond man guided them through the throngs of people, making sure to keep his companion nearby, muttering on the plane that it's been years since she's been in this airport. She shot back a mumbled "Don't remind me," as they continued on their journey home. A journey that the young studious woman hasn't taken since she left. 

Tsukishima noticed her hesitance about returning to Miyagi. To be honest he was nervous too. He knew that his former volleyball team was having a reunion of sorts on New Years Eve to celebrate the anniversary from when they all went to nationals. He also knew how difficult this trip was for her. He remembered hearing the conversation she had with her parents about coming home for a couple of weeks and how excited they were for her to be seeing them. Well it has been 5-6 years since she's been home, most of that to be blamed on her sorry excuse of an ex, but also her commitment to her schooling. Her hesitance about coming back is something that doesn't shock him.

And what had also excited her parents was the fact that he would be with her and that was another long conversation he wishes he didn't overhear.

He thought she would be babbling like an idiot the whole time, but she's just been quiet. Eerily quiet the whole trip, including the different layovers they've had. It's just been her deft fingers twiddling idly almost the whole time. By the time his home country was in view, he looked to his left to see that her headphone cords were all tangled up due to her constant fiddling. Becoming annoyed he had placed his hand over hers and gave her a knowing glance. At the time he thought nothing of it, and neither did she, but now he's realizing how calm she's been; but still not talking. 

After pushing through hoards of crowds, they made it past the sliding doors that led outside to the loading area for arrival flights. Golden honey eyes scan overhead to try and spot a familiar car. Once he finds his desired outcome, he calmly lifts his arm to wave down Akiteru. Tsukishima nudges the (h/c) haired woman's shoulder to garner her attention. She lets out a small gasp, almost as if he knocked her out of a trance.

"Aki is here. Let's move forward."

Coming down to Earth, she nods and picks up her luggage to follow him. All of this is so surreal to her. She can't believe how long it's been since she's breathed this air and been in a place that she had called home for so long. Taking in the sights and sounds of her former home overwhelmed her senses for something she wasn't prepared for. All the way here, she was prepping for what she would say to everyone, for she had a hunch that it wasn't just her and Tsukishima's families that knew of their homage together. No, she would have to see faces and friends she ran from and hadn't seen. Would they want to even speak to her? Would they even still call her friend? All of these and more had plagued her the entire way from America to Japan and now that they're on their way home, her anxiety shot through the roof.

She hadn't even told her parents that the engagement is off. 

Hell, most of her "friends" here didn't know that she was engaged. So there's already mountains to cover if and when she does see them. When her eyes take to the skies, the mix of deep orange and purples mixing in the sunset her mind calms for just a moment. She inhales deeply and releases her shoulders, tightening the grip on her baggage as she does so. A warm smile makes its way onto her face as she sees Akiteru waving them down a little too energetically. Seeing his familiar features calmed her racing thoughts and heartbeat.

"Kei-kun, (F/n)-chan," Akiteru waves excitedly. "Come on, I'm wasting gas here!"

"Oi, we can only walk so fast," Tsukishima whips back at his brother as the duo approaches the vehicle. Akiteru takes note of the forlorn expression on (F/n)'s face and places a comforting hand on her shoulder. She gasps slightly at the contact and then tries her best to smile warmly at him. "It'll be okay," he whispers, "everyone will be happy to see you."

The young woman hums and opens the back passenger door and sits inside the car. She sifts through her purse to search for her phone to quickly make a phone call. Once she touches the screen for the number, she shakily places the device to her ear as the dial tone beeps for a few long seconds.

"Hello? (F/n)?"

"Hi Dad, I'm on my way home. Akiteru picked Kei and I up at the airport."

The sound crackles as her father praises her safe arrival loudly, "Yes! Honey, our long lost daughter is returning home to us!" (F/n) giggles and rolls her eyes at her parents antics and interaction over the phone. She notices a change in the sound as she assumes she's being put on speaker for her mother to hear. "Oh darling, tell us everything! How was the flight? Are you jet-lagged? Oh my we have so much to talk about when you get home. I'm super excited to see you."

"Thanks dad, I'm happy to-"

"Oh honey where's Jesse? Put him on speaker! I'm excited to hear and finally meet the man that made my girl stay away from home for so long!"

(E/c) eyes widen at the mention of her ex and the grip on her phone tightens. She wasn't expecting to hear of his name for a few hours but that's what happens when you're away from home forever and only have Skype to work with. And it was right at that moment that the doors to the car had closed and both brothers were inside, staring back at the woman with mixed emotions. Tsukishima scoffs and turns around in his seat.

"Uh mom, we aren't together anymore. The engagement is off, uh, we broke up."

The static from the phone and the car engine turning on are the only noises surrounding the trio in the car. (F/n) tightly shuts her eyes in hopes of preventing herself from shedding a tear about the whole situation. Tsukishima clenches his fists and slides lower in the passenger seat as Akiteru looks on the both of them wondering if this silence will end.

It's her mom that breaks it, "Sweety, I had no idea. I'm sorry I shouldn't have assumed."

"It's okay. You know I'll call you guys when we're close. I think I am pretty jet-lagged. Love you."

"We love you too, (F/n). You mother and I are glad you're home."

Her lips open to respond but her voice breaks a bit, revealing to everyone her tears that had been hiding away the entirety of the trip.

"Me too."

 

~~~~~~~~

An hour into the drive has passed and (F/n)'s soft breathing of her slumber helps fill in the noises of the car. Akiteru is scanning the radio stations for any good music to help pass the time. He notices his younger brother has been shifting his golden hues to the backseat every so often and quite slyly to check up on his companion.

"You know," Aki starts, "I think you should take her somewhere nice while the two of you are in town. I think it would help take her mind off of things."

Tsukishima lifts his eyebrows and clicks his teeth together as his eyes roll at the comment. "I don't think hanging out with just me would be a good idea. She's got other friends and family to see here too."

The older sibling tightens his grip of the steering wheel. "Look I'm trying to help. You obviously love her so-"

"Oi, she could hear you dumbass."

"We're whispering, she's jet-lagged, I've been flipping through radio stations," he lists off with a crooked grin, "I doubt she'll hear us. And I don't see you denying what I said..." He trails off as he catches a slight red tint to Tsukishima's usually pale cheeks. It's been about a month and a half since the latter admitted and accepted his feelings for his long time neighbor and he clearly has no intentions of letting her know. The last hour has been filled with thoughts of her and that trend doesn't seem to be stopping soon. Does he want to do something nice for her? Of course he does, to repay for all the wonderful things she's done for him back in America. 

Who is he kidding?

A sudden whisper shout from the other side of the car startles him from his wandering. "Kei listen!"

Akiteru raises the volume on the radio slightly as to not disturb their sleeping passenger. Once he's heard the first few chords, Tsukishima's eyes widen as memories of his middle school and high school days come back.

Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes  
Five hundred twenty five thousand moments so dear  
Five hundred twenty five thousand six hundred minutes  
How do you measure, measure a year?

"Ugh, turn that off. I don't wanna hear that song."

"Not a chance," Aki retorted, "I remember for a long time someone wouldn't stop playing this song because another certain someone sang it at a cabaret show and was just blown away by her performance."

With his arms folded, the glasses clad young man sat with a slight pout and glared at his older sibling that was smirking. Yes, he remembered the way her voice sounded the first time he heard it and then the last time she sang it. The first time was for a middle school concert he went, well forced, to and (F/n) had finally gotten a solo in her choir. The last time was during high school for a senior send off. Both times were great but what differed from the performances is something that stuck with him. That last time she sang it, he remembered a small tear leaving her (e/c) hues as she finished the happy tune. Originally he thought it had to do with it being one of her last times on stage with her friends. But it was more than that. She sang that from the heart, and the younger boy can't help but think and wonder whom she was thinking about. A small, actually huge, part of him hoped it was about him.

A small cough brings him back to reality as Akiteru continues his ramblings. "I know they aren't the best around, but the local theatre company is putting on Rent. I think you should take her to it." The eagerness in his voice and eyes as he sees his younger brother contemplate his suggestion. His mouth starts to open as he notices Kei about to respond.

"Absolutely not." 

 

A few more minutes pass and a bump in the road nudges (F/n) back to the real world. Her previously cried tears have caked onto her cheeks, leaving tainted white streaks in their wake. She rubs at them to straighten out her face. With her limited space, she stretches as much as she can and yawns out, "Where are we?"

Akiteru looks in his rear view mirror and smirks, "Ah, we're about 20 minutes away. You were knocked out for a while but I had Kei to keep me company! So," he coughs, "how are you feeling?"

Noticing his effort to raise her spirits, the (h/c) woman smiles at him. "I'm doing as good as I can. I'm actually pretty nervous about seeing my folks again. And my friends, haven't seen them in like-"

"Five years."

Her brows furrow closer in frustration at being interrupted by the younger Tsukki brother. She could feel the heat of the pressed out words from his teeth upon her skin like a whip across her cheek. "Yes," she starts up again slowly, "five years. Thank you for the blunt reminder."

"Always a pleasure, chibi-chan"

The temptation to flick him off was outweighed by her need to be calm and focused before their arrival so she let it slide. She lays her head back against the headrest as her mind starts to wander. "I wonder how different everything is now. Like how our friends have grown and lived their lives and how I never bothered to check in on them... 

"Oh I almost forgot I need to call my parents!" 

Her ears pick up a chuckle from the front as she figures out that it was none other than Tsukishima Kei laughing at her antics. (F/n) huffs out and silently reaches for her smartphone to dial up her parents. The dial tone rings loudly in her ears as she waits for them to answer, her fingers tapping on her leg. Before she can answer, Tsukishima clears his throat attempting to gain her attention.

"What is it now? I'm about to be on the phone-"

"The nearby theater is putting on 'Rent'. If you wanna go, I mean... Ennoshita Chikara is directing so it should be good."

Her lips open and close at his sudden announcement and a small blush reaches her cheeks. The hum of the car engine and the fading sounds of the radio within the vehicle fill the void of silence. A faint "hello" is heard from her phone knocking her back into reality. She quickly nods and proceeds with her conversation. 

However her heart is beating at a million miles a minute. She can't even concentrate on the words her parents are uttering to her. Just what the heck was that? She knows she should play innocent and act like she didn't over hear their earlier conversation. No matter what state of being she is, the song playing on the radio will always wake her senses and take her back to her more naive years. Why would she sing that? Other than it being assigned to her, why was she so dead set on performing that? Because she knew he would be there? However, what are the odds that he would actually take Aki's advice and ask her? What about the fact that this grown woman is going to run into Ennoshita Chikara again? (L/n) (F/n) was clearly and abundantly not ready to come home.

"Oi, we're here."

 

~~~~~~~~

 

Aki slams the trunk of his car shut as he takes out (F/n)'s luggage. The cold bitter winter wind bites at their skin, reminding them of the harsh winter ahead. Leather bound boots crunch over frozen leaves and twigs that are scattered over the entryway to the (L/n) household. Even with the sun almost all the way down, her home is a treasure to behold. The lights are on in the first floor and a shiver goes down her spine. The light brush of wind against her frame almost makes her hesitate to move forward, but with a deep breath she presses on. Sooner or later she would have to walk inside and accept her fate. 

And judging by all of the cars on the street, she knew she would have to put on a brave face.

Seeing her hesitate a little more, an equally as cold arm reaches out to her and hugs her. Golden hues meet her (e/c) ones and a small grin adorns her face. "It's going to be okay," Aki whispers, "you've got us here if it's too overwhelming."

His smile is infectious as her grows wider at his words of comfort. "I knew I liked you more," she giggles as she continues up to her doorstep.

Another set of light gold eyes watches the exchange but he kept his reservations about him and only nudged further toward his destination. 

(F/n)'s gloved hand wraps around the door knob and before she pushes it open she takes a deep inhale and exhale out. Using more force, she turns the doorknob and pushes herself inside. She is immediately hit with the semi-dim lighting of her walkway and the smells of old. Her nose wafts in the smells of a prepared dinner and her mothers perfume. The flowers that are hanging in a chandelier close to the kitchen look like they are prospering like her father has mentioned. The overwhelming sense of home and nostalgia rock her over and she begins to weep. 

"Oh honey, don't cry!"

(F/n) drops to the floor of the walkway and has her gloved hands cover her face. Her mom comes to meet her and hugs her tight, her own tears forming. "I have missed my baby so much. Please don't go away for too long? I've missed my baby."

The younger woman nods her head quickly into Mrs. (L/n)'s shoulder and holds her tighter. "I promise Mom, I promise."

She felt a familiar warmth pick her up off the ground as the smell of her father's cologne rushes into her nostrils, along with a the brief smell of salt from her tears. "There's no need for tears! We planned an exciting and hopefully not too overwhelming welcome for the two of you." Her father gestures toward the Tsukishima brothers and ushers them in. "Please, get comfortable. Everyone is waiting to see you."

(F/n) nods briskly as she roughly wipes at her cheeks and eyes to clear her tears. Her shoulders shimmy to get her coat off and before she can catch it, a tall looming figure is there to do it for her and help her finish the job. His unwarranted help was something the young woman hadn't expected from the megane character. And neither was his flittering touch that ghosted the back of her arms that sent goosebumps along the nape of her neck. A silent whisper of thank you is heard only between them and she struts forward to their awaiting audience.

Tsukishima cannot help but stare at his finger tips and inspect them closely. Surely he wasn't the only one that felt that jolt, right? Must've been the fabric, he muses to himself.

His contemplations about her cease once they enter into the family room where most of his friends and former teammates are gathered. His eyes scan the room to find a familiar mop of (h/c) hair. Golden hues stop diagonally to his right where the young woman in question is squished in a huddle of hugs. A slight grin reaches his lips as their eyes connect in understanding. Seeing her surrounded by her old childhood friends made his insides feel weird, a feeling he wasn't quite used to yet but had a feeling he would have to get used to them soon. 

When her eyes met his, (F/n) made a silent plea for help to get this terrible foursome off of her. It amazed her how much she had missed hanging with her old classmates Tanaka and Nishinoya. Their underlings, and not so young and bold, Hinata and Kageyama decided to follow their lead in hugging her as tightly as possible. The sprightly orange haired young man looked up at her with those same hopeful eyes she had come to love in her high school years. Hinata was still as bright and energetic as she remembered and even a little bit taller. Kageyama had changed too, shedding some of his awkwardness that she had found adorable for a more laid back yet exciting approach to things. However, the person whom she was most eager and afraid to see again had just been called over by her bald former classmate.

"(F/n)-san," he breathed, "you look incredible."

"Ennoshita-kun," she whispered back. Warmth quickly spread to her cheeks as she takes in the sight of the tall dark haired man in front of her. That caring gaze he had before is still as captivating as ever. His small smile that ever so slightly showed off his tiny dimples used to melt her mind and make her want him more. She was starting to remember why she had fallen for him in the first place, and also remembering the bitter heartbreak of when it was over.

Ennoshita coughed to clear his throat, "It's okay to call me by my first name. I know that you never liked calling most of us by our surname's... Gosh, you really do look amazing. I've missed you," he gestures to everyone in the medium sized room as the noise level had dropped, "we all did." With all eyes on them, the rest of the small gathering nodded in agreement, some humming and exclaiming their happiness of her arrival. With the aura of the room ever changing, the prodigal daughter ran into Ennoshita's arms and embraced him dearly, holding on to his frame tight. The smell of after-shave and the faint scent of his cologne knocked her back a few years when she had loved him. Really and truly loved him. And she never wanted to let go of that feeling.

A blush crept onto Ennoshita's pale skin as he hugged (F/n) back, extremely happy to have her back in his embrace again after so long. But he knew he shouldn't hold on to such ideas and memories. He remembers why he had broken up with her in the first place and he hopes to keep his feelings down and buried deep during her stay. He knows better, but he can't help but think 'what if?' as he starts to realize he has been holding on longer than normal, although she didn't seem to mind. 

But someone else did, and he knows them well enough to know when to stop and when to say the right thing. 

 

~~~~~~~~

 

The evening carried on in the same happy manner that (F/n) felt overwhelmed with joy. When a few more stragglers had arrived, both of her parents thought it would be a good idea for them to dust off the mini grand piano and play some festive songs. Being swept in the flow of it all, she agreed and couldn't have been more delighted. She took her seat on the piano bench and slowly raised the cover. A couple piano books were handed to her and her fingers then grazed through the pages, the dust rising from the binding and triggering wonderful memories. The smell of the crinkled and old pages had her heart racing in eagerness to play. 

"I haven't played in awhile," she sighed, "but I'll sight read to the best of my ability. So what first?"

At that, a roar of suggestions were offered to her as many of them had been impatiently waiting for her to play on of the instruments she knows. A wide and slightly embarrassed smile was situated onto her face as she turned to scan the room. Laughter, friends, drinks, and good times were all she could see. One voice stuck out to her through out the crowd.

"Seasons of Love?"

Her heart dropped into her stomach at the request and turned to meet the dark chocolate eyes of none other than Ennoshita. "I, ahem, my theater troupe is doing a production of it. So, why not? We all know it right?" He motioned for everyone else around to concur with him and to make himself seem a little less awkward at the request. And somehow it worked. 

The opening chord was played and (F/n) felt more bodies wrapped around the piano. She knew for a fact that out of all of those bodies, Tsukishima wouldn't be there. And she was right.

He had done a good job of blending into the crowd and then slipping away. He had stepped into the kitchen to escape the song he had already heard earlier in the day. Knowing where her parents kept their stash of alcohol, he goes to the secret pantry and pours himself a small glass of sake. He tries his best to drown out the voices in the other room, but to no avail. Regardless of how many shots he took that made his ears ring, he could still hear her voice loud and clear, as pretty and soothing as he remembered. 

 

In truths that she learned  
Or in times that he cried  
In bridges he burned  
Or the way that she died

 

(F/n) had forgotten some of the lyrics, which shocked her, so hearing that section had some conflicting feelings rise in her. Regardless of what she felt, she had to keep playing. Fighting off the urge to bawl her eyes out at what the words meant to her, she sniffled in and put on a happy face for the rest of the party. At the same time in another room, her male travel companion had the same single word fly through his head as he took back one more shot of sake as those words rang in his head, while everyone sang on.

"Fuck."

 

It's time now, to sing out  
Though the story never ends  
Let's celebrate  
Remember a year in the life of friends  
Remember the love

 

Measure in love  
Seasons of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is this?? I finally updated this?? Wow what a shock  
> As you can tell, you can probably assume when I started this...but it's all good! I know, the ending of this chapter is BEYOND cheesy, but sometimes you need cheesy right?  
> So we're kind of entering a new arc in a sense and I have lots planned for it!  
> Thank you to everyone who reads this story and has stuck with it! You guys are all absolutely amazing!! 
> 
> Seasons of love is from RENT by Jonathan Larson and I do not have the rights to it!


End file.
